Kristisn't, huh?

Well I didn't receive any fakes but last night I did receive a Kristisn't. She was at the Mac Store in NYC, a place I would never be on my own unless I needed to use a computer or was dragged in by a cultist Mac loving fan. I can barely use my ipod so automatically she's a fake. Plus she's about 10 pounds lighter which leads me to believe she's probably a vegan. Strike two!

Personally, I don't see the resemblance, it is probably the hair, all brunettes look the same right?

Three strikes, she's outta there!

If you do see any Kristisn't's give her $100 and a one way bus ticket to Nebraska, tell her it's her final warning and to never return. I'm sure she can make a nice life there. Reason? I can't be having all these women taking away my thunder, but don't forget to snap a photo first!!

Phake! Watch out now!

This blog took an unexpected twist about a year ago. It was back in December, the day after my birthday to be exact, when we had our first "Phuc" sighting. That was hip-hop Phuc. B ack in March we had our first opportunity to document one of these Phuc posers. From that point on we keep seeing "Phuc" everywhere. Example: Just last week I went to Ruth Chris with two friends and sure enough walking down Van Ness was another "Phuc." Unfortunately we couldn't get our camera out in time to snap a photo but... it reminded me. About 4 months ago when I did experiment back with internet dating I got matched up with a Phluke, as Ryan likes to call them. Odd in my one year of giving it a semi-solid shot I get matched up with a Phlake and a Phomeo. Here is Phoser number 6:


So keep your eye out and if you see any potential Phakes please take a photo and e-mail to: kmcupcake@hotmail.com

All right, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

Every year around this time there is always one. They decide, it's my last semester I'm going to give it a shot. Do I blame them, no, but its ballsy. I am, after all, a staff member. At one point, I actually started to wear my fake diamond ring to fend off awkward encounters.

The most classic example and what spawned the ring wearing is when I was unknowingly recruited for a threesome. Apparently he picked me out, invited me out for drinks one night with his girlfriend and I auditioned. Well that's how it went in his mind. In my mind it went, oh this guy seems nice and he's not trying to hit on me because he already has a girlfriend, sure I'll go. Boy was I wrong. I guess I passed the audition because I was invited out for another night and that's when it got ugly and weird. "Isn't she cute?" "Don't you want to kiss her?" NO! Excused myself and left, quickly.

A few days later he apologizes, I'm sorry about that, can we start over like apology. And me, the person who likes second chances said, alright we can hang out. Sure enough they tried again, this time using a sneakier tactic. They got me really drunk and convinced me I needed to go back to their place to sober up before I went home. Their roommate was home, who actually tried again when you get virutally bitch slapped after the first attempt. Well, they do. It got really uncomfortable, really fast and I FREAKED OUT!!! I ran and attempted to stumble home really loaded. I called my friend and made them talk to me the whole way home. Thankfully I made it and can tell the story today.

So there you have it, I don't trust them.

Now back to present time. My coworker is convinced, still, that there is a pool out there. Who can hook up with the registrar's assistant first. And after 8 years of saying no I can't possibly say yes to any of them, this isn't even about the fact that I work here, it's about keeping the streak alive. You go out with one and then you are that girl who dates students. The "Summer Abroad Ho." It's just not going to happen.

Last night one of the nicest ones comes in to pick up something they lost, he's so nice I actually feel bad about his post, kind of. I could tell in the first 5 minutes where this was going but it took about another 10 or 15 to get there, especially with lines like, "so where do you hang out?" "Maybe I'll run into you." "I like to hang out here." "So umm...yeah" It was endearing and he was embarassed, but the clock was tic'ing. Normally I have no problem shooting people down but last night I was so drained from the weekend that I couldn't say no and gave out my number. All these Chandler syndrome men are rubbing off on me, it's terrible! I'll have to do the nice take down later. What kills me is I have the best excuse in the book, I'm not allowed but noooo...here I am awkwardly saying sure and then closing the door and hiding in the office another 15 minutes.

The next day my coworker actually asked, "this was more awkward than the time a student tried to feed you!?!" Yes! And that's saying something.

New Jersey and You, Perfect Together, maybe.

Recently a-what if-came true. In these moments people choose to cope in different ways, me, I usually turn to music, well music and booze. I think I choose music because I consistently fail at achieving any sort of success in the area. Failed saxophone lessons, failed piano lessons, failed attempt at the clarinet, failed guitar lessons, drums even worse and failed singing voice (however! not my fault). Because of this I look to others for inspiration and solace.

I e-mailed 6 of my favorite music loving friends and asked them to make a Top five list. Top five songs you would want played at you funeral, top five songs you listen to when down or top five songs you listen to motivate. One person responded, one person made an attempt over IM, two people blatantly ignored, one said he couldn't think of anything and one sent an e-mail a week later, "my bad."(Update: He mulled it over and sent a top 5 today. It's pretty darn good, thanks!) I was a bit surprised but I guess the topic is a bit morbid. The one who did respond was not surprising, I was picturing it more as, if they made a movie of your life what song would be playing in the final scene. I think he viewed it the same, especially since he believed it was a very thought provoking exercise and he is currently writing a screen play.

I hopped the plane with my new Top Five list and began the trek back home. And trek it was. I showed up at SFO to hear over the loud speaker, "Last call paging passenger Kristin XXXXXX, please report to gate 10 for your flight to JFK." I sprinted to the gate to find out tonight we had a celebrity pilot, the bassist from Oingo Boingo. (Great, I'm definitely going to end up in the Hudson, hopefully he's a better pilot than bass player.) Not to hate on Oingo Boingo but....

I finally arrive in NYC in one piece. This weekend was full of emotions and already I was a bit uncertain. It was comforting to be surrounded by the people I grew up with, stressful because I was about to come face to face with the reason I left, and extremely, extremely sad. No one really knew why I left, not even my best friend. She looked at me and said, well I'm glad you didn't tell me until now, I probably would have decked him, she, however, wasn't the first to say that.

My friend brought his new girlfriend and at one point she leans over and says, "You guy are just like my friends, except you all interdated a lot more than mine." After more thought, a partial rundown, turning bright red at dinner and someone else asking how we all know each other, yes, yes indeed. There's just something about sitting across the table from your 15 year old fling, 13 years later. Some things never change. I am demanding a tree from Kelly, it may involve weeks, large sheets of paper, numerous magic markers and a lot of scotch tape.

What good came out of this weekend? Closure maybe, a reconvergence, a chance to say goodbye, celebration of life and many, many fond memories.

Don't be scared...

Recently I started to write a memoir. Sure I'm a bit young and what exactly have I accomplished in the past 28 years but it was either write a paper for school or start my memoir. It's amazing how easily I can knock out 10 pages in two hours when I care about the topic. Basically the blog inspired the back story so for the next few posts I'm covering part of how this blog came to be.

My friend sent me a text a few days ago regarding the blog. Her friend was considering online dating so her and 4 of her friends sat around and read a few posts. It was her warning and initiation into the world she was about to enter. However, after thinking a bit more about it I began to think, these crazy online dates are the norm for me. A trip to the grocery is rarely just a trip to the grocery store. So maybe its not a warning, its probably just me. Case in point.

I went to my cousin's wedding about five years ago. They have about 50 cousins, not joking, so my sister and I were placed at a table with part of his other cousins, you know the ones that your family cheats on you with. I always feel like but your my cousin, how can you be someone else's cousin, well you can. I can't even remember the guy's name but here I was sitting next to the enemy. I semi-ignored him in the beginning but he seemed nice so we chatted, heck, we're almost family.

Well......he didn't think so. He asked me to dance so I said sure, again reiterating, we may not share DNA but we share a family member and you can't really say no. Anyway, by the end of the night he's asking for my phone number and I didn't know how to turn down someone who is related to someone I'm related to. He was quite persistent too, called for probably a week or so. I mean how can that possibly work? Something about only three sides of a family at a wedding freaks me out.

Hello thank you for coming, which side are you on: Bride or Groom? Both.

So for all my five readers and the two I might have scared off, it's not the arena, it's moi. It shouldn't be as tragic.