Nut Butter

Cat inspired me to write a new blog post so here goes....

Nut butter, hehe. My obsession with peanut butter has been long-standing.  Besides tennis, many of my other hobbies do not have the same longevity as my love of peanut butter. Yes, I did just call eating peanut butter a hobby. I did so because it makes me happy and I look at it as a pastime. Think about it, what else has comforted you more than eating a PB and J sandwich? (Don't answer if you hate PB or have a severe allergy to the nut.) PB is there to hide vegetables that I hate, to fill chocolate cups, sustenance or to cheer up the 5 year old me when I had a bad day.

FINE! I also called it a hobby because that is what it has turned into. For the past two years, I've been talking about making peanut butter. My inspiration came from the Whole Foods natural peanut butter machine. My god was what easy! Quickly thereafter arrived the Cuisinart, an email to Justin of Justin's Nut Butter, nuts from the farmers' market, a domain and the name, "I Can't Believe It's Nut Butter." The first attempt of deshelling worked but was completely unrealistic. I then discovered a great company in Georgia that would become my main supplier. Our fridge began to fill up with PB and I was off! That may be an overstatement, I was off like a snail, not a horse.

To help motivate, start grinding and stop being a dilettante, I decided what better way than to shame myself publicly. It worked for my dating life, right? Right...

So what's taking so long?

To start, finances. I must maintain my day job to be able to afford the hobby. Sometimes the day job turns into a night job and I'm frankly just too tired to come home and bake. Perhaps Kickstarter is the answer. Second major setback is my many other passions and desires. I constantly debate about giving law school another try. A real try. There is also my desire to make the planet a better place for generations of my mini cupcakes. Although I do wonder if I moved to a more sustainable city if this passion would subside. While in SF I was happy to live my life knowing that the city was doing its part. In Nashville, I want to lead a major overhaul. Finally, my love of Asia and Asian Studies. The degree, while interesting, has proved to be less useful below the Mason-Dixon line.

In a nutshell, couldn't help myself, I'm try to get this thing going. At the very least my friends can enjoy some tasty free nut butter.

The lost posts

I fell in love this weekend. He was deep, hot, enticing and full of sparks. He comforted me after a long week at work. He brought ecstasy to my mouth. Sure he was difficult in the beginning but once we let our guards down and became comfortable I could not resist. I don't know how I have lived the past 28 years without him in my life. What is the name of this magical being?

His name is Fry Daddy. Bianca introduced us and I am hooked. I can not stop thinking about him. My taste buds keep asking, when are we going to see him again!!!

Roll Call!

Cheesecake-------------------------Check
Funnel Cake------------------------Check
Mashed Potatoes-------------------Check
Baked Potatoes---------------------Check
Meatloaf----------------------------Check
Reese's Peanut Butter Cups---------Check
Hush Puppies-----------------------Check
Lumpia-----------------------------Check
Corn Dogs--------------------------Check
Chicken Nuggets-------------------Check
Bananas---------------------------Check
Smores bars-----------------------Check
Torillas----------------------------Check
Oreos-----------------------------Check

Fresh green beans-----------------Check

Portobello mushroom-------------Check

Pickles----------------------------Check

Onion-----------------------------Check

Twinkies--------------------------Check

And to top it off we had a bucket of Margaritas! Maybe it was the tequila that made us fall in love. Anyway, this is the story of my first, second, third, fourth love!

So what if I still don't have a plan!

I feel like I have recently surrounded myself with people who have plans. This is great, except it reminds me of how much I don't have a plan. I've never been a planner. I am constantly forgetting something at home. I spend 99% of my planning abilities at work or on the micro-level. I still recall an ex telling me, "I wish you would figure out what you want to do with your life. It's going to be great whatever it is." Still waiting.... Sure it hurt at the time but I feel like I'm falling more into the "so what" category. When I over-planned things didn't always pan out the way I imagined they would so why can't I just go with it? In a world where I have applied to what feels like a 100 jobs and I can't get past an informational call, it's hard to make a career plan. We'll see what happens in the future but for now I think I'm going to be a cheerleader for everyone else's plans.

Long Time, No See

Um, yeah, true to form this resolution vanished as quickly as my pantsuit. To give myself credit I rocked the pantsuit for 3 full weeks until I ran out of button up shirts. A trip to the dry cleaner is in order but I need a Groupon first. You can see my dilemma. To keep the glass half full I have managed to brunch monthly and happy hour weekly. It's the little things that count. I also had a huge win when I got my Vancouver vacation approved. How aboot that Canada?

Other updates:

I'm now 4 cooking classes in and I still can't make grilled cheese but I have faith in my ability to make chili.

Hooray! The peanut butter making is back on! Not only that but after some Chopped inspiration I whipped up a peanut butter cream and shoved it inside of a cupcake. It's my version of a funny bone.

The Wire. I can't tell you the last time I wanted to skip work and stay home watching television. It might have been Dawson's Creek when I rewatched the entire show back in 2004. Season 5 so far speaks me, I think it's because it reminds me of my roommate and friends. The newsroom seems so exciting, the camaraderie is endearing. It also reminds of when NT used to sell me back free sodas at work. Sure it annoyed the heck out of me but I can't knock her hustle. That's what I want in my new 9-5 home, camaraderie and jokes.

After a truly upsetting wake up call, I was reminded life is short and you better take advantage of it.

Related to the above I'm still trudging along and attempting to find a new 9-5 "home." After three years of searching it almost becomes comical at this point. I mean really, how many applications can one fill out? I'll let you know when I finally find something.

My bacon love runs deep, so far three people have contacted me about the new Jack in the Box milkshake. I'm transparent, what can I say?

And finally puppygate! We will start the dog search this weekend. I'll need my main squeeze to reign in my desire to take home every puppy I see. I'll commend him in advance because in his words, "sometimes there is no stopping me."

4 Days in and...

I've really been on a roll. Tonight is my first time volunteering at the Whole Foods Kitchen. I will attempt to be the teacher's prep cook for her sushi training class. Why am I doing this, well for starters I want to know how to make sushi, and for finishers, I get to eat it after class is over. Yep, 2012 is about saving and free meals are part of that agenda. Once I volunteer for 4 classes I get a 5th class free, as a participant, not a volunteer. I'm excited, possibly thinking about taking the french cuisine class. I'm hoping I can convince the teacher to let me hold my own private Chopped competition there.

(Tasting with knife) This puree is a little thick, almost like baby food. The spices were there but the texture is off. In regards to the rest of your plate, I think as a whole it's very thoughtful. It brings me back to a happy place. When a plate can do that, it's a winner in my book.

Here's to hoping that by the end of 2012 I can successfully make a grill cheese sandwich or even better, a cupcake!

Other updates:

I have successfully suited up for 3 days of work. I can't say it's comfortable but I do feel a difference. "Dress for the job you want, not the one you have."

As much as it hurts, I have narrowed it down to 4-5 weddings this year. I just can't afford 8, when you start breathing hard in your fake cube just thinking about it you know tough decisions need to be made.

I am attempting to network into something bigger and better. It's never worked before but it doesn't mean it can't happen!!!

I am taking a vacation for myself. One where I can have a cocktail at 3pm if I want, where I can sleep until 12 but really get up at 9 well rested and excited about the day, one where I can feel like, phew, I'm relaxed AND saw someplace new. If I wish it, it will come.

I hope I don't read this post in 7 months thinking, whoa, maybe I was a little ambitious about the year.

Also, why is everyone up in arms about the Iowa caucuses. It's always been a weird state and hasn't indicated anything in the past. Maybe it's because I've always been a registered independent and have never been able to vote in the primaries anyway. Thanks TN for allowing me to vote this year!

140 Character Year in Review

Well it's been long overdue so here's a year in review. I'm typing from my new snazzy, dazzy iPad so it's going to be short. I've been in the south over two years now. I haven't fit in and I guess it shows. My boss in the past few months told me I should move back up north. I've found a fellow Jets fan but I kind of don't want to claim him. My favorite line of his, not to me, "Excuse me, do you mind if I ask you if you have an eating disorder?" Yeah, this is what I'm up against. He's not doing my state well. I've also been called a NY pizza snob but it was supposed to be a compliment....Even so I have truly enjoyed Nashville as a city. Austin may claim to be Music City but Nashville still rules. Did you know the Nash is the last place to have giant commercial buildings filled with songwriters trying to make a buck in a cubicle? It's one of a kind. Other news, I half-heartedly joined a running group, took hula, sewing and signed up for cooking classes. I lost my 20's feline companion and gained another. Finally, I may not have gotten the promotion at work but I have been on an epic winning spree; jeans, $200 in groceries, fashion show tix, brewers night tix, retweet by Mayer Hawthorne and I got my friend nominated for a magazine mini-spread!

My resolutions as of the today are suit up for work, find a new job, reintroduce weekly Friday happy hour, monthly bunching, destress and continue on the weight loss train. Finally, I plan on keeping up the blog. Here's to 2012!!!

Thieving Bastards!

Dear Editor,

As the swarm of old school cars filled South Congress I felt at ease. They were reminiscent of a time of safety, good fun and morals. The soda shop on upper South Congress reinforced these memories. I didn't grow up in the 1950's but my mother and father did; they told me stories of good, clean fun. There was a faith in humanity. Two people would get into a fight and the worst that could happen was some punches were thrown. Sure I get part of this from the media, like I said, I never lived it, but people didn't pull out a gun and shoot you because you were going too slowly on the highway. Maybe there was, but it didn't seem as prevalent. With the masses that piled South Congress my beliefs were more solidified; families, young adults, the elderly all joined together to watch good music and see some fancy cars.

Riding on my high, we went to Magnolia Cafe for dinner. In my sleepiness I left my sunglasses on the table. I called the cafe the following morning and sure enough they were there. (They are very distinct.) Again, I felt this sigh of relief, see people do care about others! When I finally made it up there the night manager said, "Well they may have been here but they went missing..." My faith in humanity was crumbling quickly. He promised to call the woman I talked to on the phone that morning. By the evening I hadn't received a call back. I followed up, still nothing. In the morning I called the manager and he said to me, "A worker or customer may have taken them." He says this nonchalantly, "taken them", oh you mean STOLE them. When did morals become so fluid? When did stealing become taking, and a fist punch become a gun shot? When was the last time you stopped to help out a stranger? What disturbs me even more is the manager's lack of compassion. If one of his workers is taking someone else's property, what else are they taking? I told him he should have a talk with them about taking items that aren't theirs; he didn't seem to think it was necessary.

Times aren't like they used to be and people may not be as willing to help each other out. As I may never see my sunglasses again, or maybe I will on e-bay, I am thankful to Austin for this past weekend's events. The car show made me all warm and fuzzy inside. It reminded of a time when it wasn't every man for himself.

Sincerely,

Cupcake G

(1st time visitor to Austin)

AH-HA!

I may not be able to Facebook or Tweet at work but I can blog! This is good, considering I have been ignoring my blog for awhile now. I got a job and boy did I forget how exhausting it is to work a full 8 hour shift, without my many scrabble, FB, IM, news breaks. My coworkers are obsessed with country and seem excited to be introducing me to the "wonderful" world of country. They were in shock when they found out I liked hip hop. One of them said, as in rap, do ya sing? She's very nice and very southern, but not the kind that hate northerners, the kind you want to be your friend. Speaking of I have been here for 1 month and 11 days and I am still friendless but I am trying to be positive, I know it takes time. In the meantime I've decided to volunteer at the Nashville Chinese School and it's been, uh interesting. Last weekend I manned the "store," used loosely because it's really a table in the gym at the local middle school. I sold paper, caligraphy paint brushes and Mickey DVD's in Chinese. I actually think I did quite well. I made over $200!! So the principal likes me and said I can come back next week and help out in the classroom and be the photographer at their moon festival. Funny thing, while I was working the table some woman kept talking to me in Chinese, sure she probably thought I understood since I am volunteering at a Chinese school, BUT it turns out she thought I was Chinese. She came over later and apologized, even funnier thing, it's not the first time someone thought I was Asian, or maybe they thought my friend was White. Either way, bizarre. It can be added to the list; confused as Latina and now Asian.

I can't say I am getting used to Southern life but I am definitely entertained. Chik-Fil-A might be one of the best things to happen to the South. They need to be open on Sundays, this religious stuff is really getting in the way of me enjoying an amazing chicken sandwich with pickles when I need one the most!

Alright more stories later but I want to leave you with a teaser. We are on a burger hunt. A burger hunt so big and so delicious it is going to take over a month to complete. *Drum Roll*

We are searching for the best fastfood burger in Nashville! Pictures and updates to come later on.

Faygo what?

A couple of nights ago I was introduced to the wonderful world of Faygo. We went to a Chinese restaurant, well it was more take-out, Panda Express style. There were pictures of food, about 4 tables and real chinese people behind the counter. Which, actually, is going to put me on a short tangent. Last week we went to the San Antonio Taco Company, also known as SATCO and wow, it was interesting. I was confused by the reviews on yelp. San Antonio Tacos scream Tex Mex to me except someone raised in SoCal was claiming it was authentic Mexican. Tex Mex is not authentic Mexican! Ugh. Anyway, we show up and we are handed a sheet of paper outside, you mark off what you want sushi style. I scan the list and at the bottom are chicken wings. Chicken wings? Now I'm really confused. The did have carnitas but otherwise the menu was super basic. Queso, taco and enchilladas. I walk in and hand my order to the cashier. She didn't give me change for my $2.46 taco but whatever, I'll let her have it. So the first thing I notice is the music isn't the traditional tacqueria music. Then I see it. Not a single person in the kitchen or at the counter is Mexican. A Mexican place without Mexicans?? I'm not saying Italians need to cook Italian, Greek cook gyros, etc but after coming from California with Mexican a plenty, I was in shock. The whole kitchen was black, which explains the chicken wings on the menu. Not something you see everyday. The food wasn't bad, the carnitas were a bit more pulled porkish but I liked it. A crew of about 30 frat boys entered the restaurant in suit jackets and shorts. We could just imagine what the drunk crowd was like, I'll have everything and mark off the whole sheet. Which by the way, was also weird. The put taco and enchillada 3 times on the menu. Not a different type of enchillada but three of the same. Anyway, it was an interesting introduction to Nashville. I did find the little Mexico. It's out by Home Depot. Zac's barber had moved here from NoCal and he said when he got here he really missed good Mexican food. He wants a kitchen full of Mexicans that don't speak English and he found it.

Ok back to the Chinese take-out. While we are waiting for our food he spots it. Cans of Faygo in the cooler. Faygo you ask? It's a small independent soda out of the Detroit made famous by the Insane Clown Posse. Violent J threw an open bottle into the crowd and has hoped the company would do a limited edition soda for all the Juggalos but the company has yet to acknowledge them. Juggalo? They are the followers of the ICP, well actually they are male follwers, Juggalettes are the female followers. So we decided to give it a shot. We bought the grape can and it tasted awful. AWFUL. Grape Bubble Yum in a can with a ton of small bubbles. Thankfully the Chinese was better.

If I don't have a job, I might as well blog.

Well I made it to Nashville. The roadtrip was amazing but I'll cover that at a later time. Nashville is a funny little microcosm. There is this dichotomy that exists. The downtown is a carnival of cowboy living, the west end is a college town nestled in a bigger city. The banks welcome back the students. The bar at the Holiday Inn is named after the football team. The city is not quite as southern as I expected, but yet it's completely southern. It's not a southern city filled with cowboys and cowboy boots. It's a southern city filled with frat boys and college football. Little did I know reading, "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" would prepare me for Vanderbilt life. I haven't directly communicated with the real life Tucker Maxes but at one of our first outtings I saw more than a few mulling around the comedy club. They double fisted beers and yelled, "Yeeeeaaaahhh" a lot. One so much that one of the guys in the Broken Lizard troupe had to tell him to shut up. This weekend I will officially be inducted into college football: Vanderbilt versus Western Carolina. More to follow on that.

The downtown of Nashville is filled with neon lights and country stores, not like cracker barrel. We went down this past Saturday for BBQ on the waterfront. It was slightly disappointing as we couldn't try any of the bbq. Something about health laws. However the downtown was packed. We were confused until we saw Keith Urban was playing that night, with Sugarland as the opener. Still with the country boot stores, country bands playing 3/4 of the day and bbq every other store front I couldn't help but to feel that Fresno has more authentic cowboys. I gather if you leave the city, the real cowboy life begins. Hopefully I'll see some at the state fair. So far though, I really enjoy the city. I really enjoyed the country band turned almost rockabilly. I loved the cross section of artists. Furthermore, I love the diversity of the population.

Surprisingly though, unemployment hasn't brought the creativity. I've come to realize I need to be busy to function. It's too easy to lay in bed until 11:30, go sit by the pool until 3 and then watch TV and apply for jobs until past midnight. Yeah it sounds fun but it's not. It's tiring doing nothing. It's boring. My brain needs stimulation. I need a hobby, a job and about 4 friends. So hopefully the next post will be a bit more creative and a bit funnier.

Wa-hoo!

Recently some of you have asked, anymore dating stories? Well I figured I should address all three of you here. I'm putting the blog on hold, for real.
*GASP* <------you

I actually put my dating life on hold last year but made the decision to pull the plug recently. No, it is not some, I hate men speech, it is a, "I don't have time and not sure where I am going to be six months from now" speech. Actually my faith in men was renewed recently, courtesy of one of the coolest guys I have ever met, thanks! So I'm in a good space; a good, tired, ready to be out of school and find a new job-space.

Did you *gasp* again? Was it the renewed faith or the fact I'm considering leaving? Either way, look forward to possible new entries in about 6 months from now.

Potential Headlines:

Kristin takes on Tokyo: Tokyo's introduction to the ass clap, white gurl style
Kristin goes guidette for a guido: A guide to self-tanning and Preparation H
Kristin perambulates through Portland: Oh god, what was I thinking...
Kristin's mom wins and holds her captive in SC: A Yankee and a Confederate try to make it work
Kristin hightails it to Hoboken: And wishes she was in NYC
Kristin does Denver: The Jersey girl takes on vegan skinny jeans
Kristin navigates New York: Just like Coyote Ugly but good
Kristin stays in San Francisco: And keeps on dating douche bags....

I just called, to say....

So I'm proud to say I haven't been on any terrible dates lately, or any for that matter, but its a good thing not bad. This post was actually inspired by the Facebook 25 things note that has been going around. I did a quick rundown in my head and one of them was I have a love-hate relationship with technology and would love to write a thesis on the popularity of cell phones and its affect on booty calls/dating. I figure this blog is a better venue to unpack that theory. Ok, you think I'm joking but I'm not. Just think back to your life pre-cell phone and your life post-cell phone.

My life pre-cell phone. I had to go back to my room or find a pay phone to call my boyfriend, boy toy, gentleman friend, whatever you want to call it. Then he had to be in his room to even get my call. There might be 3 or 4 missed calls a night. I vividly remember calling one from a pay phone at the Blue Triangle lounge down on Fillmore to try and coordinate plans. And that only happened once. Being drunk enough to find a quarter and a pay phone was dedication. Another time I forwarded my dorm phone to my friend's dorm phone. That was a bit more common.

My life post cell phone. Three AM my phone beeps from some guy typing out some drunk text, "hey wanna come over?" And who knows that could of been a mass text and he was hoping one of us would respond. Pre-cell phone he never would have called that late. I've actually had to make a rule about two years ago that I wouldn't respond to texts after midnight. Even now, I receive some of the lewdest texts from people, the stuff they think they can get away with is unbelievable just because they are hiding behind a key-pad. I can't even put some of it on here it is that bad, straight out of a porno. I've definitely stopped responding to those. Sometimes I get a message the next day, sorry I was drunk, sometimes I don't.

Now taking this one step further. I was at a Superbowl party yesterday and this girl starts talking to me about dating and forms of communication. There was two discussions going on. Does one wait for the three day rule to contact someone and how does this apply to texting. She met a guy at a bar and got his number. Then she went home and sent a text, "Hey I had a great time." He responds back, "Me too." Then the next morning, she responds back and he responds back again, with a conversation closing statement. So what now? Well you make the guy call you or you call him but you do not get into a text message relationship. (that is my feelings on the subject and that is the advice I gave her. I also said the 3 day rule is antiquated.)

Anyway, from there we hit the conversation of technology and dating. She said she refuses to add anyone she dates to her Facebook, Myspace, Friendster, G-chat, AIM, Yahoo, MSN, Bebo, linked in or e-mail. She may be on to something. Apparently the NY Times tackled this issue last friday. It all seems so unpersonal. You used to date a guy and then you'd break up, bam they are gone from your life if you choose but not anymore. If you really want to you need to delete them from all of the above named items. And these social networks are the worst. There they are staring at you when you log on, "So and so is now in a relationship." No thank you.

Even with all of this I am the worst. One time I gave a guy my house number and he actually called. So I tried to get off quick but he asked for my yahoo so I gave him that. The next day there was bob-xxxxx im'ing me. So then I had to break it off via IM. Its my own fault for letting it get through two vessels of communication. I thought my, I'm not ready to date someone was sufficient enough, well he gave me 4 months and im'ed to see if I was over it. I had to say no. He im'ed a week later, I had to block him.

There you have it. I honestly think cell phones have dumbed-down dating, cell phones and technology. Will I still text, yes. When I get drunk should I throw my phone in the bay, yes. If I date you will I add you to my facebook, probably. But I do admit sometimes I long for the days where they had to send a letter or make a phone call. It was so much more personal and appreciated.

So if anyone wants to fund me to do research and see if booty calls have in fact risen with the popularity of cell phones please e-mail me. I need a change in career.

Kristisn't, huh?

Well I didn't receive any fakes but last night I did receive a Kristisn't. She was at the Mac Store in NYC, a place I would never be on my own unless I needed to use a computer or was dragged in by a cultist Mac loving fan. I can barely use my ipod so automatically she's a fake. Plus she's about 10 pounds lighter which leads me to believe she's probably a vegan. Strike two!

Personally, I don't see the resemblance, it is probably the hair, all brunettes look the same right?

Three strikes, she's outta there!

If you do see any Kristisn't's give her $100 and a one way bus ticket to Nebraska, tell her it's her final warning and to never return. I'm sure she can make a nice life there. Reason? I can't be having all these women taking away my thunder, but don't forget to snap a photo first!!

Phake! Watch out now!

This blog took an unexpected twist about a year ago. It was back in December, the day after my birthday to be exact, when we had our first "Phuc" sighting. That was hip-hop Phuc. B ack in March we had our first opportunity to document one of these Phuc posers. From that point on we keep seeing "Phuc" everywhere. Example: Just last week I went to Ruth Chris with two friends and sure enough walking down Van Ness was another "Phuc." Unfortunately we couldn't get our camera out in time to snap a photo but... it reminded me. About 4 months ago when I did experiment back with internet dating I got matched up with a Phluke, as Ryan likes to call them. Odd in my one year of giving it a semi-solid shot I get matched up with a Phlake and a Phomeo. Here is Phoser number 6:


So keep your eye out and if you see any potential Phakes please take a photo and e-mail to: kmcupcake@hotmail.com

All right, Mr DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

Every year around this time there is always one. They decide, it's my last semester I'm going to give it a shot. Do I blame them, no, but its ballsy. I am, after all, a staff member. At one point, I actually started to wear my fake diamond ring to fend off awkward encounters.

The most classic example and what spawned the ring wearing is when I was unknowingly recruited for a threesome. Apparently he picked me out, invited me out for drinks one night with his girlfriend and I auditioned. Well that's how it went in his mind. In my mind it went, oh this guy seems nice and he's not trying to hit on me because he already has a girlfriend, sure I'll go. Boy was I wrong. I guess I passed the audition because I was invited out for another night and that's when it got ugly and weird. "Isn't she cute?" "Don't you want to kiss her?" NO! Excused myself and left, quickly.

A few days later he apologizes, I'm sorry about that, can we start over like apology. And me, the person who likes second chances said, alright we can hang out. Sure enough they tried again, this time using a sneakier tactic. They got me really drunk and convinced me I needed to go back to their place to sober up before I went home. Their roommate was home, who actually tried again when you get virutally bitch slapped after the first attempt. Well, they do. It got really uncomfortable, really fast and I FREAKED OUT!!! I ran and attempted to stumble home really loaded. I called my friend and made them talk to me the whole way home. Thankfully I made it and can tell the story today.

So there you have it, I don't trust them.

Now back to present time. My coworker is convinced, still, that there is a pool out there. Who can hook up with the registrar's assistant first. And after 8 years of saying no I can't possibly say yes to any of them, this isn't even about the fact that I work here, it's about keeping the streak alive. You go out with one and then you are that girl who dates students. The "Summer Abroad Ho." It's just not going to happen.

Last night one of the nicest ones comes in to pick up something they lost, he's so nice I actually feel bad about his post, kind of. I could tell in the first 5 minutes where this was going but it took about another 10 or 15 to get there, especially with lines like, "so where do you hang out?" "Maybe I'll run into you." "I like to hang out here." "So umm...yeah" It was endearing and he was embarassed, but the clock was tic'ing. Normally I have no problem shooting people down but last night I was so drained from the weekend that I couldn't say no and gave out my number. All these Chandler syndrome men are rubbing off on me, it's terrible! I'll have to do the nice take down later. What kills me is I have the best excuse in the book, I'm not allowed but noooo...here I am awkwardly saying sure and then closing the door and hiding in the office another 15 minutes.

The next day my coworker actually asked, "this was more awkward than the time a student tried to feed you!?!" Yes! And that's saying something.

New Jersey and You, Perfect Together, maybe.

Recently a-what if-came true. In these moments people choose to cope in different ways, me, I usually turn to music, well music and booze. I think I choose music because I consistently fail at achieving any sort of success in the area. Failed saxophone lessons, failed piano lessons, failed attempt at the clarinet, failed guitar lessons, drums even worse and failed singing voice (however! not my fault). Because of this I look to others for inspiration and solace.

I e-mailed 6 of my favorite music loving friends and asked them to make a Top five list. Top five songs you would want played at you funeral, top five songs you listen to when down or top five songs you listen to motivate. One person responded, one person made an attempt over IM, two people blatantly ignored, one said he couldn't think of anything and one sent an e-mail a week later, "my bad."(Update: He mulled it over and sent a top 5 today. It's pretty darn good, thanks!) I was a bit surprised but I guess the topic is a bit morbid. The one who did respond was not surprising, I was picturing it more as, if they made a movie of your life what song would be playing in the final scene. I think he viewed it the same, especially since he believed it was a very thought provoking exercise and he is currently writing a screen play.

I hopped the plane with my new Top Five list and began the trek back home. And trek it was. I showed up at SFO to hear over the loud speaker, "Last call paging passenger Kristin XXXXXX, please report to gate 10 for your flight to JFK." I sprinted to the gate to find out tonight we had a celebrity pilot, the bassist from Oingo Boingo. (Great, I'm definitely going to end up in the Hudson, hopefully he's a better pilot than bass player.) Not to hate on Oingo Boingo but....

I finally arrive in NYC in one piece. This weekend was full of emotions and already I was a bit uncertain. It was comforting to be surrounded by the people I grew up with, stressful because I was about to come face to face with the reason I left, and extremely, extremely sad. No one really knew why I left, not even my best friend. She looked at me and said, well I'm glad you didn't tell me until now, I probably would have decked him, she, however, wasn't the first to say that.

My friend brought his new girlfriend and at one point she leans over and says, "You guy are just like my friends, except you all interdated a lot more than mine." After more thought, a partial rundown, turning bright red at dinner and someone else asking how we all know each other, yes, yes indeed. There's just something about sitting across the table from your 15 year old fling, 13 years later. Some things never change. I am demanding a tree from Kelly, it may involve weeks, large sheets of paper, numerous magic markers and a lot of scotch tape.

What good came out of this weekend? Closure maybe, a reconvergence, a chance to say goodbye, celebration of life and many, many fond memories.

Don't be scared...

Recently I started to write a memoir. Sure I'm a bit young and what exactly have I accomplished in the past 28 years but it was either write a paper for school or start my memoir. It's amazing how easily I can knock out 10 pages in two hours when I care about the topic. Basically the blog inspired the back story so for the next few posts I'm covering part of how this blog came to be.

My friend sent me a text a few days ago regarding the blog. Her friend was considering online dating so her and 4 of her friends sat around and read a few posts. It was her warning and initiation into the world she was about to enter. However, after thinking a bit more about it I began to think, these crazy online dates are the norm for me. A trip to the grocery is rarely just a trip to the grocery store. So maybe its not a warning, its probably just me. Case in point.

I went to my cousin's wedding about five years ago. They have about 50 cousins, not joking, so my sister and I were placed at a table with part of his other cousins, you know the ones that your family cheats on you with. I always feel like but your my cousin, how can you be someone else's cousin, well you can. I can't even remember the guy's name but here I was sitting next to the enemy. I semi-ignored him in the beginning but he seemed nice so we chatted, heck, we're almost family.

Well......he didn't think so. He asked me to dance so I said sure, again reiterating, we may not share DNA but we share a family member and you can't really say no. Anyway, by the end of the night he's asking for my phone number and I didn't know how to turn down someone who is related to someone I'm related to. He was quite persistent too, called for probably a week or so. I mean how can that possibly work? Something about only three sides of a family at a wedding freaks me out.

Hello thank you for coming, which side are you on: Bride or Groom? Both.

So for all my five readers and the two I might have scared off, it's not the arena, it's moi. It shouldn't be as tragic.

Kristin, Kristin-why ya buggin?

Wow, I'm really fucking jaded and this blog proves it. Its a trainwreck of, "Oh crap-that kind of shit only happens to you" stories. So I've been discussing with my friends this newly discovered issue and I've gotten:

1. Wow you are jaded! This needs to be fixed.
2. That was harsh!
3. No, I think its good you noticed and can now reflect
4. [12:21]: I was in the bathroom and had these thoughts:
[12:21]: women say "that's it, i'm giving up on men" and it's totally fine
[12:22]: but if a guy says "that's it, i'm giving up on women" that's totally gay
Editor's note-I never said I was giving up on men, this was just a random thought of his.
5. Finally when is it appropriate to use douchebag and what makes a douchebag different than a jerk. Are only white guys douchebags or does it cross ethnic lines?

I just got back from Colorado and I'm really happy I flew my laptop out there since I did zero work! This laziness continues, I've had a super hard time of getting back to normal life-aka studying, running and attempting to be productive. Instead, I was convinced I needed to watch 4 hours of True Life and 2-3 hours of Britney Spear's pre-show/comeback documentary/aftershow. I've also recently become obsessed with avocados, Berlin (the band) and artichokes with yogurt and lime. I've eaten one every Sunday and Monday for the past month.

What I am not obsessed with is Kanye West's new CD. He's playing with us, hey guys look at me, I'm so awesome I can write an album in a 3 weeks, sing and you'll still buy it-"take that, take that." Yeah! I managed to slip in a Run DMC and Diddy reference into one blog. Speaking of Run DMC the new Adidas originals commercial is pretty sick, well the song is at least.

I just looked at my calendar on my desk and its still on October 29th. A whole month went by and I couldn't manage to update it. Thankfully today is that day because December is the best month of the year. Today's saying on my Chinese calendar, "Tian liang le: tian bian xian chu le yi xian yu du bai." And for those who can't read it, well even if you did read pingyin you wouldn't be able to read it without tone markers; "The dawn is breaking: the distant horizon has shown a streak of fish belly white." I have no idea what that means, your thoughts are welcome.

Finally today I made a Christmas sweater- ok not literally but virtually. Its awesome, I support any website that you can put a panda with a bow on a sweater. http://weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com/?id=10918&t=jl1Fcplh
Nothing says Christmas like a panda!!

Yes people this is what I have accomplished over the past two days.

Anyway, so I don't ramble on forever, you know you're pretty jaded when you leave a new city and think, wow, the people here are nice and it took you 4 days to realize and accept that.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You know I try and be respectful in a world that you don't necessarily have to. People don't call each other back all the time, ignore texts or say, "yeah I had fun" and walk away thinking, "what an A-Hole!" Me, I prefer to take the honesty route, ok, ok, honesty in time, but respect first and foremost. I have a hard time when people ask for my number, I tend to give it out. So after said date last week I panicked and gave it out. He called twice last week and I ignored his call, instead I decided I'd use the e-mail template from my friend and let him know I wasn't interested. Last night I was finally able to make it online and shot out a super cordial e-mail.

"It was good to meet you. I wasn't trying to be rude by not calling you back, I probably shouldn't have given you my number to begin with. You seem very nice but I don't think its going to work out. Good Luck!"

Nice, right? I don't completely believe in ignoring calls, I prefer to be put out of my misery and attempt to do the same to others. This is what I got back this morning...

"Its not my fault you have bad taste!"

WOW!!! That's what I'm talking about super hero, unnecessary attitude. I guess some people always need to have the last word.

Alright the gig's up!

I've finally figured it out, you guys can stop the charade and its time to come clean. Truman was let out of his fake world, eventually, time to let me sail to Fiji.

What am I talking about? Life. Why is it every time I go out with a guy it feels like I am on candid camera. Case in point.

Sunday evening I had some time and decided ok, I'll give this guy a shot, he seems normal and looks like he has a sense of humor. He also worked with my extremely busy schedule, 6 reschedules when we finally found a date that worked.

We met down at Fritz, he was late, maybe 10 minutes or so, not a huge deal but I was hungry. I had heard about the fries and was hoping they were as awesome as their reputation. We walked in and I said, ok so how does this work, am I supposed to find 3 toppings that all compliment each other or is each one independent of the other? And he looked at me like I asked the dumbest question of the week and responded, you aren't getting fries. Oh but I can buy my own fries and it takes about 4 minutes to get them ready......nevermind.

I was alloted one soda.

Then he asked, how was my weekend and I said; I went to wine country with some friends, rented a limo, had a really great time, relaxing yet fun. And I asked him, how was your weekend, response: I went to wine country with some friends, rented a limo, had a really great time, relaxing yet fun. I said no really, and he stared at me. Sense of humor, maybe, or socially awkward, perhaps.

We sat down and it was like pulling teeth. So what do you do? "I'm a super hero." Ok what's your day job super hero? "I'm a full time super hero." ok but all super hero's have a day job. Batman-Bruce Wayne Enterprises, Superman-Journalist, Spiderman-Photographer, Iron Man-Tycoon. "That's a blanket statement, so if I list off 5 items that are green, everything is green? I don't have a day job I am a super hero, Batman didn't really have a day job, he was a billionaire." Wow, he's a figure head of a company and lives his public life as that head, that is his alter ego, that is his "job."

I was annoyed, new topic. So do you have any siblings? Yes. Are they girls or boys? Girls. Um..where do you sit in the family order. They are younger 5 and 8 years. No elaboration. There were also actual questions he refused to answer and just stared at me. I had to ask repeatedly to get answers out of him, if he bothered. If you really hate the conversation, why don't you steer this ship, I have no problem relinquishing control of the vessel . Also while staring at me he did this thing with his face and I couldn't tell if it was a nervous tic, no biggie, or if it was on purpose. I almost felt like it was a joke and he was trying to get me to react.

When he finally talked a bit he accused me of trying to impress him and pretending to know about baseball when I really didn't. Impress him!! The only thing I knew about this guy was he's a super hero from Wisconsin, who plays soccer and drinks bud. How can I possibly be trying to impress him about baseball when I have no clue if he likes it. His test? How many balls does it take for a batter to get on base? If you are going to be a jerk at least use a harder question, and yes I told him that-minus the jerk bit. He also got offended when I called him a cheesehead since he was a Packers fan. My bad.

It was an extremely rough hour, I was this [---] close to blurting out, you are the most difficult human being I have ever met!!!! Thankfully instead he said, Time to go. Relief poured over me. I followed him out, stopped to say, thanks when he starts talking....he had a good time and wanted my phone number, Wow Chandler! Let's put this out of our misery son, no need for pseudo-pleasantries. I think he's related to the band-aid guy.