Kristin, Kristin-why ya buggin?

Wow, I'm really fucking jaded and this blog proves it. Its a trainwreck of, "Oh crap-that kind of shit only happens to you" stories. So I've been discussing with my friends this newly discovered issue and I've gotten:

1. Wow you are jaded! This needs to be fixed.
2. That was harsh!
3. No, I think its good you noticed and can now reflect
4. [12:21]: I was in the bathroom and had these thoughts:
[12:21]: women say "that's it, i'm giving up on men" and it's totally fine
[12:22]: but if a guy says "that's it, i'm giving up on women" that's totally gay
Editor's note-I never said I was giving up on men, this was just a random thought of his.
5. Finally when is it appropriate to use douchebag and what makes a douchebag different than a jerk. Are only white guys douchebags or does it cross ethnic lines?

I just got back from Colorado and I'm really happy I flew my laptop out there since I did zero work! This laziness continues, I've had a super hard time of getting back to normal life-aka studying, running and attempting to be productive. Instead, I was convinced I needed to watch 4 hours of True Life and 2-3 hours of Britney Spear's pre-show/comeback documentary/aftershow. I've also recently become obsessed with avocados, Berlin (the band) and artichokes with yogurt and lime. I've eaten one every Sunday and Monday for the past month.

What I am not obsessed with is Kanye West's new CD. He's playing with us, hey guys look at me, I'm so awesome I can write an album in a 3 weeks, sing and you'll still buy it-"take that, take that." Yeah! I managed to slip in a Run DMC and Diddy reference into one blog. Speaking of Run DMC the new Adidas originals commercial is pretty sick, well the song is at least.

I just looked at my calendar on my desk and its still on October 29th. A whole month went by and I couldn't manage to update it. Thankfully today is that day because December is the best month of the year. Today's saying on my Chinese calendar, "Tian liang le: tian bian xian chu le yi xian yu du bai." And for those who can't read it, well even if you did read pingyin you wouldn't be able to read it without tone markers; "The dawn is breaking: the distant horizon has shown a streak of fish belly white." I have no idea what that means, your thoughts are welcome.

Finally today I made a Christmas sweater- ok not literally but virtually. Its awesome, I support any website that you can put a panda with a bow on a sweater. http://weloveholidaysweaters.wehatesheep.com/?id=10918&t=jl1Fcplh
Nothing says Christmas like a panda!!

Yes people this is what I have accomplished over the past two days.

Anyway, so I don't ramble on forever, you know you're pretty jaded when you leave a new city and think, wow, the people here are nice and it took you 4 days to realize and accept that.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

You know I try and be respectful in a world that you don't necessarily have to. People don't call each other back all the time, ignore texts or say, "yeah I had fun" and walk away thinking, "what an A-Hole!" Me, I prefer to take the honesty route, ok, ok, honesty in time, but respect first and foremost. I have a hard time when people ask for my number, I tend to give it out. So after said date last week I panicked and gave it out. He called twice last week and I ignored his call, instead I decided I'd use the e-mail template from my friend and let him know I wasn't interested. Last night I was finally able to make it online and shot out a super cordial e-mail.

"It was good to meet you. I wasn't trying to be rude by not calling you back, I probably shouldn't have given you my number to begin with. You seem very nice but I don't think its going to work out. Good Luck!"

Nice, right? I don't completely believe in ignoring calls, I prefer to be put out of my misery and attempt to do the same to others. This is what I got back this morning...

"Its not my fault you have bad taste!"

WOW!!! That's what I'm talking about super hero, unnecessary attitude. I guess some people always need to have the last word.

Alright the gig's up!

I've finally figured it out, you guys can stop the charade and its time to come clean. Truman was let out of his fake world, eventually, time to let me sail to Fiji.

What am I talking about? Life. Why is it every time I go out with a guy it feels like I am on candid camera. Case in point.

Sunday evening I had some time and decided ok, I'll give this guy a shot, he seems normal and looks like he has a sense of humor. He also worked with my extremely busy schedule, 6 reschedules when we finally found a date that worked.

We met down at Fritz, he was late, maybe 10 minutes or so, not a huge deal but I was hungry. I had heard about the fries and was hoping they were as awesome as their reputation. We walked in and I said, ok so how does this work, am I supposed to find 3 toppings that all compliment each other or is each one independent of the other? And he looked at me like I asked the dumbest question of the week and responded, you aren't getting fries. Oh but I can buy my own fries and it takes about 4 minutes to get them ready......nevermind.

I was alloted one soda.

Then he asked, how was my weekend and I said; I went to wine country with some friends, rented a limo, had a really great time, relaxing yet fun. And I asked him, how was your weekend, response: I went to wine country with some friends, rented a limo, had a really great time, relaxing yet fun. I said no really, and he stared at me. Sense of humor, maybe, or socially awkward, perhaps.

We sat down and it was like pulling teeth. So what do you do? "I'm a super hero." Ok what's your day job super hero? "I'm a full time super hero." ok but all super hero's have a day job. Batman-Bruce Wayne Enterprises, Superman-Journalist, Spiderman-Photographer, Iron Man-Tycoon. "That's a blanket statement, so if I list off 5 items that are green, everything is green? I don't have a day job I am a super hero, Batman didn't really have a day job, he was a billionaire." Wow, he's a figure head of a company and lives his public life as that head, that is his alter ego, that is his "job."

I was annoyed, new topic. So do you have any siblings? Yes. Are they girls or boys? Girls. Um..where do you sit in the family order. They are younger 5 and 8 years. No elaboration. There were also actual questions he refused to answer and just stared at me. I had to ask repeatedly to get answers out of him, if he bothered. If you really hate the conversation, why don't you steer this ship, I have no problem relinquishing control of the vessel . Also while staring at me he did this thing with his face and I couldn't tell if it was a nervous tic, no biggie, or if it was on purpose. I almost felt like it was a joke and he was trying to get me to react.

When he finally talked a bit he accused me of trying to impress him and pretending to know about baseball when I really didn't. Impress him!! The only thing I knew about this guy was he's a super hero from Wisconsin, who plays soccer and drinks bud. How can I possibly be trying to impress him about baseball when I have no clue if he likes it. His test? How many balls does it take for a batter to get on base? If you are going to be a jerk at least use a harder question, and yes I told him that-minus the jerk bit. He also got offended when I called him a cheesehead since he was a Packers fan. My bad.

It was an extremely rough hour, I was this [---] close to blurting out, you are the most difficult human being I have ever met!!!! Thankfully instead he said, Time to go. Relief poured over me. I followed him out, stopped to say, thanks when he starts talking....he had a good time and wanted my phone number, Wow Chandler! Let's put this out of our misery son, no need for pseudo-pleasantries. I think he's related to the band-aid guy.

True love means....

[14:47] isxxxxxyan: i adore amy for some reason
[14:48] isxxxxxyan: i think it's because i would like to have a girlfriend, who despite my attempts to fondle her grandmother, or pretend to be a latino VP of sales, or raped by a bum -- will still love me when the credits roll

The Craigslist Experiment

About a month ago I put an ad on craigslist, again curiosity got the best of me and there it was, "Scrabble Anyone?" I really had no intentions of actually meeting anyone but after hearing many stories, some successful some not so sucessful I had to see for myself. My friend said watch out, you are going to get tons of responses. "Even without a picture?" I asked, too embarrased to put one. She still said yes.

I signed on to my gmail the following day with anticipation and there was 1 e-mail. 1!! He seemed like a nice guy after reading the intro but his picture looked familiar. I really couldn't place him but knew I had seen him before. I agreed to send my photo back with the comment, I think I have seen you around and with his reponse he hit it right on the head, one of the local bars.

We e-mailed a few times over the weekend and then he blew me off, oh well. Thinking the story ended there I laughed it off, one ad on craigslist, one response, and I recognize the guy. Not only do I recognize the guy, he knew a pony that never really left the gate. Figures.

Recently I went out with that pony turned friend and there he was, the craigslist guy on the other side of the room. I managed to control my curiousity and not go do the awkward, "I think we know each other thing" but man I was tempted, TEMPTED!! Who knows what would of came out of my mouth after that so I decided to sit quitely and behave. I'm pretty sure he recognized me but I can't be certain.

I'm not sure what to take from this, besides I live a very coincidental life. I have yet to understand why things play out the way they do but at the very least its always entertaining.

Thank You

Dear Caltrans,

I would like to thank you for shutting down highway 5 while I was on it last night. I truly appreciated the extra 3 hours I spent going 1 mile to your detour. You did a great job using the Amber Alert billboards to warn me. Not only that it was all worth it for 8 guys and half a car width's worth of work.

Next time, why don't you warn me before I get to the summit and can't get off the highway, perhaps at the Paso Robles pass but that may be too proactive. Where are my tax dollars going, obviously not to the signs! Or better yet, why don't you shut down two lanes of traffic and work on that half of the roadway. And, if you do make me sit in traffic for 3 hours and I have to drive through your detour that parallels the 5 you better have all your man power out there and let me know it was worth it. I really enjoyed seeing your empty roadway but perhaps the road needed a break. It does get overworked and even roads need a few hours off to relax.

Sincerely,

Cupcake G

CBD Part II

Alright guys, it's been awhile. Not much has happened in the past three months except a mental regrouping and some quality alone time. I'd like to apologize to my roommate for the recent surge in Wii products, I have to pass the time somehow.

So I know I swore off CBD after my one traumatic experience, thank you Michael, but true to form I went back for more. I might need a longer mental re-grouping. However, just like all the websites before I felt I couldn't write it off with one bad experience. This second meeting was..."ok."

We met down at Danny Coyles on Haight. If you haven't been its the one bar on Lower Haight that doesn't blend with the others, typical Irish establishment with dark wood and large TVs.

I was concerned before I went because his name was Mischa. Until that day the only Mischa I knew was from the "O.C.", a girl and had a slight drug issue. After some research by my friend we determined he must be German. I thought ok, I can work with this; I like German sausage, German beer, Oktoberfest and Rammstein had a decent hit back in the 90's. I can't quite grasp on to their love for the Hoff but every society has their guilty pleasure, so be it. "Jump in my car" is always a riot. Off topic...

He was nice. He has dreams of being a celebrity wedding photographer, loves pirate jokes and travels to Europe frequently. I gave it my best hour, went to the bathroom, came out and said I'm leaving to go home and put on my PJ's. He seemed satisfied with that and we parted ways.

Boring yes, but a much better way to say good-bye to CBD.