Hey! Hey you! Get outta my head and into my car?

After writing the first blog I felt this sense of accomplishment, like I contributed to the literary world somehow, even if it is just a blog. Two days ago I was seriously ready to throw in the towel. Quit while you're ahead they say but like Jay-Z and Cher, I've decided to come out of retirement and write a second entry. This one is a bit more special, a friend, I guess we will call him that, requested I write one just for him. Blankity-Blank-Blank-Blank, this is for you!

I'm not sure where to begin so I figured here might be the best option, "They call me illiterate, I call them assholes." It was actually a double whammy of isolated insults. Two people, unbeknownst to themselves, have called me illiterate on separate occasions. Apparently having a job where you write gives you the authority to put other people down. I write at my job but I guess it's not the same. (I should note I do know people who write for a living and haven't bought into this so-called secret society of intellectuals against dumb people (IADP).) It's an odd insult, how is one to respond, I can't change that they feel like they have this intellectual superiority over me. All I can say, with my illiterate voice is, "How Rude!" (That's dedicated to you, Michelle Tanner, I think our reading skills are around the same level.)

So I'll start at the beginning, we met under, well, not the best circumstances. Personally I don't think he'll ever look beyond my past life. (Did you see that literacy seekers out there. A past and a present in the same sentence, oh the agony). So out of the gate he called me a slut, not because I was sleeping around but because I wasn't; ironic huh? After that he got in a few solid jabs; stupid, crazy, lunatic, oh your ex-bf hates you and wishes you didn't exist, etc. It's amazing you need to remind someone not to call you stupid. I say if he were a comic book villain he would use his massive bank of insults to suck the life out of you, slowly killing you, because that's how tortuous he is. If I were a comic book heroine I would use my ninja penguin skills and morning star his foul mouth to a wall.

He's got this great way of backhanding his insults. A few weeks ago he told me, "you know what bothers me about you? You play dumb. I don't think you are really dumb and I wish you would be the person I think you can be." Then he proceeds to tell me his friend called him after dinner one night and asked what my deal was. There was some talk of, "is she dumb?" but the friend assured him he had a conversation with me and that I wasn't. (Phew, that was a close one, he almost let the cat out of the bag that I really was illiterate, I actually can't read anything I am typing right now.) Back to the "them" from above. After writing this entry I realized the other one who called me illiterate also had the same comment, "you are only a quarter of the person you could be." Who are these people???

Again, I'm not sure who gave these two the right to decide what type of person I should be, maybe they should check out to see where they are on the road to Nirvana, I would imagine we are around the same mile marker.

It's hard to capture the multitude of his rudeness, people would call me the next James Frey. In my own mind I used to think he was flirting with me, now I realize he actually hates me. What tops the cupcake you ask? He's told me he wishes he could get rid of me. If I met a Genie, I'd wish to make him nicer to me.