Rapid fire rejection

We've all heard the rumors, internet dating is filled with men and women who have been emotionally abused one too many times; they are broken and damaged. Its the same story over again with new names and faces. I thought I had dodged the emo bullet with the first two men I met but I've learned men hide it well. Women can't seem to stop talking about their exes, men never seem to want to. If they do, you know you need to get out fast. I thought I found my first nice guy in years, someone who was not only nice, but ready to get into a relationship and give it 100%. Understandably I had reservations about him, most of you have seen my trail of depris and its not pretty, but I finally checked out of the cycle and said, I am ready, he's honestly a really great guy. Like most dating stories, when you finally give in and accept your feelings thats when they drop the bomb. This bomb, I was not expecting. While discussing with my friend about our plans to go to a brewery he called and said we needed to talk. My heart sank, I thought I knew what was coming. What I didn't expect was the, "I ran into my ex-girlfriend from a year ago and she wants to give it another shot, I really like you, but I need closure. I hope you don't hate me."

Why do men feel the need to end with that line. This has nothing to do with you. This is about you breaking my heart, who cares if I hate you, if its going to happen you can't stop it. I also want to know why men feel the need to call you at work and break up with you. I want to send a memo listing appropriate times to end a relationship with appropriate methods. Texting is not ok, refusing to call back is also not ok. I truly do not have any complaints about him. I have been waiting years for a man to be honest with me and he couldn't have been anymore so. Its hard to hate a person who respects you enough to tell the truth. He deserves this chance, I think everyone has that one person they would take a second chance with or at least seriously consider it a good couple of days. It also makes a bittersweet ending, you feel great he told you the truth, I have closure but you also feel crushed, "damn he was a real stand-up individual." The odd thing is earlier that day I was talking to my friend about how you need to open up for it to work. I've thought too many times, wow if he actually got to know me, he would of really loved me. But we get hurt and we attempt to open what we can and protect the core. Today I decided, I was ready to show the core.

What has this taught me about internet dating? I am voluntarily partaking in rapid fire rejection. I don't know how much a person can handle, 6 months of this just might be torture. I will say, if you make it out alive, you will be the strongest you have been in years. What has this taught me about dating in general? You can't settle and there is a man out there who will treat you as you deserve to be treated. What I won't let this do to me? I refuse to join the ranks of the something zombies trolling the internet. I've learned from my past mistakes; you can't control everything and you can't be friends with all your exes but you can control how you take the rejection. This time around I went for class and style. I may have missed a beat today but hopefully I'll be back in tune tomorrow.

Friday Night Follies

Have you ever seen the French film, "The Dinner Party?" If you haven't it I would suggest renting it. This past Wednesday I arranged a happy hour so my friends could meet one of the guys I met on E-harmony. Sure I might have been throwing him to the wolves but I did it anyway. When I arrived my friends had all been sitting there picking out their own favorite Travis. The winner would receive a free drink. They even said they were yelling out "Travis" and waited to see who turned around. After surveying the room and realizing he hadn't arrived yet I still let each of them go through and explain which one was their Travis and why. Some even felt their Travis was better than the real Travis. It was getting pretty intense and people were wildly pointing out Travises. One of which looked exactly like Phuc. I let it go because I didn't know if Phuc would get upset that I told him some guy looked like him. (You know how some people are, that doesn't look like me!) The happy hour progresses and people are pointing at every guy or girl who walks in the door, "Travis!" During the commotion Phuc looks over at me and says, "That guy looks like me with a beard." I hadn't seen my friend laugh that hard in awhile, it had been the same guy he pointed out earlier as a Travis. The funniest part about this is his name is Peter, Phuc's deli alias. At my birthday there was a hip-hop Phuc sighting. I may need to put an ad on Craigslist, if you look like this man head to Washington Square, Sunday, March 23rd at 2pm.




When the real Travis finally arrived there was a debate on who spotted him first. By then we had already been drinking a good two hours. Fortunately the people outside had a non-affiliated witness. From then all I can say is he truly was thrown into the gauntlet and he surprisingly came out alive.

The consensus you ask? One friend said, "Let me put it this way, if I ran into him in a dark alley I'd clutch my purse and grab my mace." Another sent me an e-mail template on how to break up with him. The last one, he actually liked him, said he was a good solid guy.

They did all agree on one thing, the friend. See "She never fails to remind me of Karma" for more info.

Update on the creeper:

I came into work, popped open my e-mail and there it was waiting for me to double click. The creeper sent a message to inform me he just wanted to say Hi, thank me again for the help (2nd or 3rd time) and that he was going to take a nap in the library.

Odd.

Crazy Blind Date:

A few weeks ago I heard of this website called crazyblinddate.com. My coworker signed up and to my delight has become a personal guinea pig. The concept goes: you pick what type of guy you want, the usual stats, height, figure, etc. Then you choose section of the city you want to meet, date and time and cafe or bar. Crazy blind date finds a match for you, sends you a blurred photo with the stats from above. You either accept or deny the date and you're off! The first man she was supposed to meet classified himself as an "other." What is an other you ask, I don't know but we settled on an aboriginal, possibly from the Sierras who climbed down just for her date. My main concern was why do these guys keep asking to meet her in the Castro. She was concerned she put down the wrong sex on her profile.

Anyhow, 30 minutes prior to the date, CBD sends a text to your phone. Through the CBD service you can send a text to your date letting him or her know you are coming and how they should find you. So Friday night around 7:30 she gets the text. We tried hardcore to have her date meet up at EZ5 instead of the Castro but I don't blame her for rejecting our grand idea.
I should note she only drinks once a month and on this fine evening she choose to have a few drinks. She arrives at the Starbucks Castro to realize she needs to use the bathroom from all the booze and that this date may not be starting out on the proper foot. She owned up to her date and told him she had gone to happy hour and that he caught her on the one day a month she drinks. After checking out the line she convinces her date to go over to "preference friendly" Harvey's for dinner. Apparently Friday night is male couple date night. Her date rolled with it and they sat down to eat. As an aside our other coworker said bringing him to Harveys was a good test to see if he was actually gay or not.

Back to the date, earlier in the evening she noticed he had a hickey on his neck but couldn't quite figure out how to approach the subject. Thankfully when she got back from the bathroom the waiter was eyeing her man and commented on his lovely hickey. She took this opportunity to see if a girl was marking her territory or if he had an unfortunate incident with a hoover. He denied both accounts. Note to anyone who plans on doing internet dating, never show up with a hickey!! Her friends decided if there was a second date she needed to show up drunk and say, "Sorry man I really only drink two days a month and you caught me on my second day." All and all the first date was a winner and they are now rated on CBD as a true success stories.

roll e-harmony music...."this will be everlasting love, this will be, the one I've waited for...."

The creeper....

I was talking with my friend last night and the topic of dating inevitably came up. He told me about his night with his girlfriend and I said, oh that sounds like a great date. He gave me a puzzled look and answered, "Date? I don't even know what a date is. We hang out." Which brings me to today's dating culture. I don't think I've ever been on a formal date either, ok fine the prom and 2004 Black and White Ball. Even in the online world I feel like it's more of a mutual meeting of two lonely people. Even though I have taken to using the word "date" I still don't think it's formally been a date, more like a job interview. I will have to say one tried to come pick me up at my house but I vetoed that real fast. It's too soon for him to know where I live. My point in all this you ask?? Tuesday afternoon I think I may have accidentally gone on a date.

But first, the back story! I was standing in my office and a law student, who shall remain anonymous, comes in with a plate of food. As usual I mention, oh that looks good, where did you get it from? (My office never turns down free food.) He then proceeds to offer me his obviously partially eaten plate. Umm...no thanks, I'm good. Oh, well I can go down and get you some food. No no, I'm ok. You sure you don't want my food? No, seriously, I'm good. Ten minutes later my coworker and I head down to get some free food and there he is standing in the room. I'm not sure if he even knew my name at that point but in about 5 seconds he was helping me get food and inviting me to the gun range with him on Friday. It felt a bit fast, plus just as I try not to get into cars with strangers, I prefer not to go to the gun range with them as well.

Fast-Forward to Tuesday.....

The weather was gorgeous so I decided to head down to Mervyn's, Best Buy and Subway. On my way into Best Buy I ran into said law student from above. He chatted me up a bit, why was I here, etc. I explained I needed headphones and surprisingly enough so did he! He immediately took charge and had us over in the headphone section. After showing me all that Best Buy offered I told him it was not what I was looking for and I wanted Zune headphones with the soft ear pillows, not this plasticy-rubber thing they want you to shove in your ears. (High maintenance I know.) Again he instantaneously has a sales rep explaining where the Zune department is located. Thats when he got serious. Now that we are out of USF lets chat openly. He told me his drama for the week, I told him I probably wouldn't get headphones today and he invited me over to the washer section. "Do you have time, would you mind taking a walk with me?" Unfortunately I did not but he offered me a ride back to school anyway. I politely declined and he said, well, ok, I will walk you out. (Out to where? The only place we could go was the parking lot and I still needed to head to Subway.) He handed over his headphones to the security guard and asked him to hold it for a sec. We walked through the doors and stopped. A huge awkward pause ensued and I almost felt obligated to give him a hug and thank him for a great time.

If I did accidentally go on my first date with this guy, I have to give this guy credit. He was so smooth I could of left there married and pregnant and wouldn't have known for two days. My coworker has nicknamed him, "the creeper."

Other highlights this week? 2 e-harmony run-ins. First, I ran into the law student I embarrassed about e-harmony and he cornered me wanting to know why I closed him. Sorry dude, I post your grades. He yelled in typical law student fashion, "Objection, Irrelevent!" He seemed to be over the initial embarrassment.

E-harmony run in part deux. As I was politely declining the gun range invitation another law student approaches me. You are....You work up there right? I saw your picture in the weirdest place. You should of seen the look of panic on my face, picture? Picture of what?? Then he walks away, covers his mouth and whispers, "e-harmony." I knew instantly who his "friend" was but he still refused to divulge his source. His source is going to get it next time he steps foot in this office.

Speaking of law students, you know how Haley Joel Osmond sees dead people? Well I see law students. ALL the time. Now there are two types of law students. The ones who see you at a bar and corner you. So this is what you are like outside of the office?? I didn't realize you actually went out and were cool. Nope I usually sleep in my cubicle but tonight the Registrar was kind enough to let me out. I feel like a zoo animal.

Then there are the others. They see you at a bar, you make eye contact and are forced to say hi. In return they stare at you blankly, oh I know you? Yep, I work in the Registrar's Office. More blank stares, I am the Summer Abroad Coordinator. Continuing their blank stare, have you ever helped me? Why yes, pretty often. Huh, with an accompanying state of perplexity. It's amazing how you are either labeled as this nerdy zoo creature or you are full on ignored and remain faceless no matter how many times you help a person.

So there you have it, my week in a nutshell, now this faceless zoo creature is taking her booty to happy hour.