Lovin't it and leavin' it, like a Friday night in the Marina district

Well its finally that time. Just like Nelly Furtado and Chris Martin sang so beautifully together, "ah ah aaahhh....why must all good things must come to an end..." that includes my adventures in online dating. On Monday, April 21st, my e-harmony account will be sucked away into our man made black hole. I'm unsure if its like Facebook or Cher but for purposes of this blog its time to sing Kum Ba Yah. I might light a single candle and sing in honor of its memory (a melodramatic ending only seems fit, especially since I am writing the good-bye blog 5 days early).

I'm not sure if I should feel sad, happy or relieved. Sad? I did come out exactly where I started, rolling solo. Happy? I feel like I have enough rejection under my belt that even Brad Pitt could deny me and I'd take it like a champ. Relieved? Mentally, online dating is a challenge. Its like being a promo girl all over again spending two hours trying to connect with every person in the room and hoping they'd buy your product; this time the product is me (may need to take a poll: which one is easier to sell, Fernet or myself). Honestly, your brain gets tired of constantly answering; what do I like to do for fun on the weekend or name your simple pleasure. (Those tend to be a favorite of the stock questions).

With that said, I won't miss the bad questions, awkward first time meet and greets and struggling for things to talk about on the phone but I will miss Phomeo and the random, "I think I saw you on eharmony" sightings.

Where am I now and what's the plan for the future you ask.

I decided, with input from a few friends, that somewhere along the way people lost faith in relationships. If I asked 5 different people what dating meant I could quite possibly get 5 different answers. One person tried to convince me that monogamy doesn't exist anymore, while my other friend called me up to ask if people really do mutli-date on the West Coast. "I heard you assume they are dating at least two other people until you have the talk, is that true?" They both may be on to something, online dating does promote multi-tasking. Even so, whether you met the person online or in person inevitably they will have some baggage from a previous relationship and you need to make a decision how much baggage are you willing to take on. I know good people exist out there but its like going to the Rack; you gotta be prepared to spend your whole day sifting through hideous shirts, skanky skirts and pants that are just plain offensive to find that one amazing $15 Marc Jacob shirt (!!!!!!!)

I will admit I am too lazy to find out whats wrong with the state of marriage and relationships in America (my mom says I need to figure it out before I get married) so I'm passing the torch. I did my own mini-case study but its up to the Karma Queen to research and let me know. I'm taking a step back and if and when people figure out what they want and can actually do it and treat you fair I'll be here. Other than that I must retire the relationship rants and bad dates from this blog, as Nicole says, "the world is my oyster." Makes you crave Hog Island, doesn't it????

Adventures in online dating

Somewhere along the way, and I'm not exactly sure where, I got the great idea maybe online dating isn't as bad as I thought it was. After numerous conversations with my friends about how it's great for certain people, not for me, blah blah blah its filled the void myspace left when I inevitably became bored of its newness.

We all know the path people take to the online world. I dated this jerk, we just weren't compatible, why won't he commit, another bottle of wine, a 13 hour Law and Order marathon and you're filling out the online questionnaire.

I started with match.com. At first it was a bit exciting, kind of like myspace, until there on page four was my ex-boyfriend staring at me. I wanted to duck like Carrie did on Sex and the City when Aiden signed online. My first thoughts were, "Can he see me? OMG he knows I'm on here!" After the initial shock wore off and about 15 winks later I was done. I felt like a prostitute. Hi sailors, I like walks on the beach, candlelight dinners and the color red. Ok not really, it went more along the lines of....I like baseball, I like dogs, you don't like animals I feel like there may be something wrong with you, BBQ good, oh, and I'm afraid of online dating, good luck. I thought it was funny and quirky, I guess they thought it was lame.

About 4 days pass and another bottle of wine magically empty I'm filling out the eharmony questionnaire alone on a Saturday night. This seems more my speed, no one can just look me up or pick me out of 1000's of suitorettes. Quality, well they weren't exactly my type, but some had potential. (side note: I've learned that I can't multi-date on the web either.) Anyway, you send and answer questions a la Mallrats. You can choose from stock questions or create your own. I've decided to keep my 2005 NYE motto "keep it real" alive and well. When asked what my simplest pleasure was, I wrote 1,000 characters on bacon and it's awesomeness. My questions back tend to go like this, suitor number 1: If you could be anyone living or dead who would it be?
So far I have received:

Leonardo Di Vinci
Isaac Newton
James Bond
Lewis or Clark

I finally agreed to go on my first internet date. I was convinced this was it, I was going to be murdered or kidnapped but I needed to get over this fear. How was I ever going to find the one?! I almost made a missing persons flyer for my coworker but I thought it may jinx me. He was a Mid-Western boy who hacked for a living. (Hi Brendan+hacker!) He seemed fun, we debated for about 3 hours and laughed for another. Unfortunately he did not feel the same. Apparently he's got Chandler Syndrome.

Back to the drawing board. I open my eharmony matches for the week and there looking at me is a law student. Oh man, now this was going to be interesting. We saw each other a few times but then I had my chance and it went a little something like this:

Me: "so how's the website treating you??"
Him: "what website?"
Me: "eharmony?"
Him: starting to stammer, "I'm not on it, well I'm not using it, I was going to cancel it, I'm almost at the end."
Me: "oh ok, well you know, me and you got matched up."
Him: turns bright red, starts filling out the wrong part of the form, starts crossing out, attempts to re-write. "Now you've got me all flustered!"
He finishes the form, asks my name and walks out asap.

It may have been all worth it for that one moment. I was matched up with another law student a few days ago but I know he's the kind of guy who will stop in and say, "Hey you! Eharmony!" with a high-five, but I could be wrong, might be another opportunity to make someone very uncomfortable.

So to all you eharmoniers out there I have a question. Have you ever read your personality analysis? Mine could not be anymore far off, a 5 year old would probably do a better job. I sent some of the info to my friends and they concurred, analysis no good! Here is an example of words they use to describe me:

Fair Considered Collaborative

Responsive Sensible Diplomatic

Contemplative Indulgent Rational

They also claim I am not very out-going. I don't agree. I may need to send them an e-mail.

Recently I was cleaning my room and I found remnants of days passed. Hidden behind my giant, fake bottle of Fernet was a real bottle of wine. How I managed to get it back there without knocking over everything I own, I don't know, it's just another mystery to be filed away with other drunken absurdities.

Stay tuned...there may be another date in the works......